highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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