his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
