nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
