he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
