I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
