I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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