I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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