11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
