So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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