May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
