I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
