omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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