Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
