all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
