This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
