Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
