Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
