i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
accomplished twins. life is a go
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
