Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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