You just made me feel so damn special
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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