Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
