can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
