I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
