Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
