At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
