I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
