We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
