What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
