If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
