WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
