it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
