I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
