I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
