she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
