i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's official drugs can't kill me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
