He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
