it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
