I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
