wanna go halves on a baby?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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