I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
