I'm jealous of your bromance
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
