Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
