I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
