I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
