so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
