I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
