Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
