How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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