just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
