Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I deserve this hangover.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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