I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
